Tuesday, March 29, 2011

My Apologies, Indeed

     Turns out, it takes time and energy to write a long lot of nothing on a regular basis.  Blogs are fun, but they're nothing if the writer doesn't POST every once in a while.  I should be punishing me.  But I've decided to cut myself some slack.  For my own sake.  For no real reason whatsoever other than the fact that I love giving excuses to myself in search of a happy place.  Our happy place is a forum of our own making.  So I've been diligently constructing and maintaining mine.  I'm awfully good at it, you know; making my happy place.  It's so easy.  At its core, all it is is telling yourself how much you like you; flattering yourself with things you know aren't completely true in the hopes of glossing over any glaring inadequacies you might potentially harbor deep in your soul.  But you know.  Fake it to make it.
     Once you start saying things, you start to believe what you say is true.  It's just the way it is.  People have said this before.  Very dangerous concept.  But it can also be a fantastic tool; mostly used to build self-confidence.  Rather a hopeless cycle, it is, though.  If our confidence is found in ourselves, where does it start?  We start out weak, so we make up the belief that we are strong.  Then all of a sudden, we're supposed to be strong because we keep telling ourselves we are?  As much as I wish I had brown eyes, I can't make my eyes turn away from the greyish-greenish-bluish whatever-colour-they-are.
     Another example: here I have this big haystack.  And I'm going to stand right here on this haystack.  In the middle of this hurricane.  And this haystack is going to stay firm.  It's going to be strong.  Through the hurricane.  Because I know it will be.  And because I'm standing on it.  And because, since I believe in it, it's going to brave the storm and not move.
     What a novel idea.  Totally impractical, though.
     I know where my confidence is found.  No, it's not in myself.  But what about the others who don't have my source of confidence?  The best they can do is try to reason it out and find an anchor in something they perceive to be solid.  Which begs the question "what exactly is solid and what isn't?" And this is the debate of the ages.  This is what philosophers have studied to find.  This is the stuff of fairy tales and dreams.  As sought-after as the fountain of youth; the answers to life's persistent questions.
     Then there are the ones who would rather the questions go unanswered.  This is a concept I don't fully understand yet.  My being the super-mega problem solver that I characteristically am makes it profoundly difficult to sit back and witness something that can be changed go on unhindered.  It's part of my nature to be proactive.  So, naturally, it's never my cup of tea to watch trouble form and continue without attempting to apprehend it.  And should we?  Even though it may not be part of one's natural bent?  Can we really rest on our laurels and watch all the goings-on with quiet complacence?  Or do we, as human beings, have an obligation to the race of humanity to stretch out a hand and amend what we are able?
     "See a need; fill a need."  Has anyone ever been respected who did not try to better something?  We respect the people we esteem because of their drive toward the improvement of the world in some way, shape, or form.  Therefore, if we strive to be respected, we strive to help.  In any way we can.  A fulfillment of duty; a fulfillment of a life.

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