Saturday, October 29, 2011


     Oo-kayyy..... we see how that worked out.  Suffice to say that learning things makes you invest time elsewhere.  And by elsewhere, I mean places other than your own blog.  I can tell you, though, that many things were learned, even if I didn't make you sit there and read about them.  (You should probably thank me.)
     In the process of reacquainting myself with this whole blogspot territory thing, I found (ta-da!) my stats.  One hundred seventy-seven views.  Not bad.  That's 77 more than the last time I was even around.  I get almost as much activity on my blog when it's inactive as I do when it's active.  Interesting...
     I know what you're thinking.  Don't even say it.  Don't break my heart like that.

     So what've I got to say? Oh... lots.  That's something I was never short of.  I'm keeping this particular update fairly brief.  Warming you back up; you know.  These things just tend to be giant letters to no one, so I have no idea why anybody reads them.  Maybe because I threaten to hurt people if they don't.  No, wait, just kidding.  I promise.  I think.

     Last thing: I went to somebody with this the other day, being moody and melancholy and kind of enjoying myself the whole time, and they called me crazy.  I need a second opinion.  Well, I mean, I always knew I was crazy; that's a given.  Aren't we all?  But anyway.

This house is too small.
I feel claustrophobic.
Too crowded.
I want out.

I should blog. (Ha! You are here. Feel special?)
I should study.
I should do something useful.
I should do something somebody cares about.

I should be someone worthy.
I should be more honest.
I should be more prudent.
I shouldn't be harrassing you like this.
I should be less selfish.
I should stop talking about myself.
I should stop talking to someone who doesn't listen.

I wish I knew everything.
How to act.
What to say.
What to do.
Where to go.
Whom to go to.
When to stop.
And why.

I wish I knew how to love somebody
In such a way that they feel loved.
I wish people could love with abandon.
Not care how foolish it could be.
Or how stupid it would make us look.
Because we really don't care
If we're the ones being loved.
Do we?

I wish we could be honest.
And say what's really on our minds.
And listen to each other
As we pour out our souls.
Make ourselves vulnerable to the people we trust
And let that trust not be betrayed.

I wish we had a perfect world.
But since I know we can't have one
Can we improvise?

Can we act and speak with honour in honesty?
Can we listen and react with understanding and humility?
Can we resign ourselves to the reality that none of us has it all
But that together 
We might?

Yeah yeah, don't judge me.  Yes, I know it's pretty ridiculous.  Yes, I know I'm a pathetic drama queen.  But yes, I was enjoying myself and now I get to live with all the consequences of broadcasting my musings all over everywhere.  Oh well.  Haters gonna hate?