Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Long Time No See (Special Edition)

Dear Reader,
     Due to a long string of unavoidable detentions, this account has been rendered inactive for the past while.  I hope this absence has not negatively affected you in any way and if it has, I am not willing to negotiate any form of compensation.  I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you.  The end.

     There.  Now that the formalities are dealt with, I may ask, how are you?  Writhing in agony on the floor because… I haven’t written in so long?  Staring blankly at the barrel of a halfcocked pistol and contemplating pulling the trigger because… you missed me so much?  Awh, that’s so sweet.  Now stop it.  There are three kinds of people reading this.  The first kind is doing exactly what I just described; painfully facing the tempting reality of suicide for my sake.  (These people are as crazy as I am; follow their example at your own risk.)  The second kind is reading this and smiling to themselves, either shaking their heads at the notion that anyone would miss me or finding pleasure in my extraordinary sense of humour.  (… Really, if there are any people in that latter category, I will be astonished. I just put it in for my peace of mind.)  The third kind of person? Smirking at the screen and mocking my ineffective endeavours of making this at least mildly entertaining.  Rock on, you nameless Third Person.; rock on.

     Once again, I am on a train; this time headed the other way, but it’s a completely different trip this time.  Let’s just say I helped my grandparents move again for the second time in a year and drop the subject.
     And yes, those of you who are wondering, I have mostly been too lazy to post.  Yes, yes, I know.  Industry and fidelity.  Fidelity and industry.  I have failed you.  There’s a line between laziness and relaxation, it’s just really really grey sometimes.  Especially when you excuse yourself and make it grey.  We humans do that.  Reason with ourselves and weasel our way into making what should seem wrong seem right.  It’s hard to remember that morals are non-negotiable.  Somebody once said that “if the truth is relative, no one can lie”.  If the definition of injustice is flexible, no one can be wrong.  Now we can argue for days about what exactly dictates the moralistic principle, but we’re not going to get into that yet.  As far as this blog is concerned, the buck stops here.  (Okay, truthfully, I was looking for a place to use that phrase and maybe it didn’t fit perfectly, but I squeezed it in, so stop complaining.  I’m not forcing you to read this blog.  And those of you I am forcing had better just suck it up and like it because I said so.  I’m dictatorial like that.)

     Apparently, Microsoft does not consider the word “blog” to be a part of its vocabulary.  It is rather a crisis for me; I’m not used to seeing the curvy red line underneath words and not being able to reasonably fix it.  My inner (and outer) perfectionist is dissatisfied with anything less than what is considered kosher.

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